After it was scientifically proven to exist, here is the fastest and most effective way to summon Satan just to say hello and thank you for everything.
Beelzebub has not paid a visit for a long time, and maybe he just doesn’t know the way. With this simple and understandable guide, any mortal can raise the immortal. So what are you waiting for?
Step One: The Ingredients
Like any effective and good demon summoning, here too we will need some simple ingredients that every home has:
- A tooth of a gnat that was voluntarily burned alive
- Hair of a purple worm without sisters
- A pinch of virgin frogs blood boiled in winter
- Plumbus – Everyone has one
- New Jersey
- Testicle of an old man without an academic degree
- Half a liter of swelling remains of a camel crushed to death by a grand piano
Step Two: Good mood
Not particularly unique to summoning the Prince of Darkness. It is always recommended to do everything with a big smile on your face, a hug and a kind word.
Step three: Take a deep breath, and put everything in a bowl
Before you begin it is important to lower your heart rate, relax and let the moment do its thing.
Pour all the ingredients into a large bowl, and mix until the hand hurts.
At this point, the mixing rate should be increased until the hand bleeds. If the hand falls that means you mixed too much. Add the hand to the bowl and continue to mix with the other hand.
Step Four: Prayer
Now that everything is mixed and smoke is starting to rise, it’s time to mumble the summons prayer. Satan has never been closer. Repeat the following psalm eighteen times, preferably according to the melody “MMMbop” by Hanson:
Oh sweet Devil
I miss you so
Miss your eyes and beautiful horns
Come join us you big stud
So come already
Please please please
I won’t bite
Come on man
Please
Shit man
Just come
Step Five: Continue
The accession of the serpent is difficult and exhausting, and some say it is because it is very steep.
If you already see the Devil’s head, give him a hand and help him climb. If he refuses, allow him to increase his pace. Patience has not killed anyone yet. The devil did.
Step Six: The Connection
So now that he’s here, share with Satan everything you wanted to tell him.
If he wants to hold your hand, let him. If he wants to impale you in the fire of hell for eternity, it’s a good time to run away as fast as you possibly can.
You should have thought about that before you summoned the Demon King.